It's JimBob again. I also run an advice column for dogs...sort of an agony aunt, or whatever my equivelent is. Here's a sample. Feel free to have your own mutt contact me as I'm an excellent problem-solver. Just call me Dear Yappy.
This letter really grabbed me. Here it is:
Dear Yappy, I can’t tell you how happy I am that I finally have someone I can spill my guts to. I am a Boston Terrier. I weigh about fourteen pounds and I’m black and white. I have this problem: I’m a car chaser. I know I should not chase cars. Usually, I’m in the fenced in yard but sometimes I can slip through the gate if it isn't shut properly by my humans and I go for broke. I can’t tell you why I pick cars for my prey as my neighborhood, much like yours, is filled to capacity with squirrels, cats, raccoons and lizards. Maybe it is because cars are fast and noisy. I like challenges. You could say it is much more challenging to pop a squirrel out of a tree than to chase a car but cars are my thing. I don’t chase motorcyclists or bicyclists--just cars. Now one of my humans totally freaks out when I do this because when she was just a little girl, her pet doggie (also a car chaser) got ran over by the mailman. She natters on and on about how Skippy became road pizza, about the many gallons of tears she shed in school all that day, and how totally devastating it was. I understand that I’m causing her lots of grief but somehow I just can’t stop. So, dear Yappy, why do I do this? I love my humans and I love to please them. But chasing cars is something I just have to do. Sincerely, Carlos the Car Chaser
Response from Dear Yappy:
Dear Carlos, Live up to your name and be Car-less. Not Careless. You, like Skippy, will truly end up as flat as a Frisbee with just two little old eyes bugging out. Think about it. I, myself, prefer squirrels. I never catch them but I am always challenged. You eventually will catch up to a car but after you catch up with it, then what? What are you going to do with two tons of metal and rubber? You can’t eat it. You can’t play with it or chew on it. It won’t fit in your dog house. It’s just dead weight. And what if you catch the wrong end of the car? Meaning, it catches you of course. What if it doesn’t kill you but you lose a body part in the process? What if you lose a leg and everybody starts calling you Tripod? It can happen. Believe me, life will not be fun after that. I highly recommend listening to the humans. You’re spinning out of control. Chasing a dream. Setting yourself up for a major disappointment. Find other ways of getting your ya-ya's off, if that’s your thing. Hound your humans into taking you for walks. You want a real challenge? Learn to climb trees and catch squirrels. Sincerely, Yappy
So gentle readers, please post any problems you pets are having at home. Thanks. JimBob/Yappy
This letter really grabbed me. Here it is:
Dear Yappy, I can’t tell you how happy I am that I finally have someone I can spill my guts to. I am a Boston Terrier. I weigh about fourteen pounds and I’m black and white. I have this problem: I’m a car chaser. I know I should not chase cars. Usually, I’m in the fenced in yard but sometimes I can slip through the gate if it isn't shut properly by my humans and I go for broke. I can’t tell you why I pick cars for my prey as my neighborhood, much like yours, is filled to capacity with squirrels, cats, raccoons and lizards. Maybe it is because cars are fast and noisy. I like challenges. You could say it is much more challenging to pop a squirrel out of a tree than to chase a car but cars are my thing. I don’t chase motorcyclists or bicyclists--just cars. Now one of my humans totally freaks out when I do this because when she was just a little girl, her pet doggie (also a car chaser) got ran over by the mailman. She natters on and on about how Skippy became road pizza, about the many gallons of tears she shed in school all that day, and how totally devastating it was. I understand that I’m causing her lots of grief but somehow I just can’t stop. So, dear Yappy, why do I do this? I love my humans and I love to please them. But chasing cars is something I just have to do. Sincerely, Carlos the Car Chaser
Response from Dear Yappy:
Dear Carlos, Live up to your name and be Car-less. Not Careless. You, like Skippy, will truly end up as flat as a Frisbee with just two little old eyes bugging out. Think about it. I, myself, prefer squirrels. I never catch them but I am always challenged. You eventually will catch up to a car but after you catch up with it, then what? What are you going to do with two tons of metal and rubber? You can’t eat it. You can’t play with it or chew on it. It won’t fit in your dog house. It’s just dead weight. And what if you catch the wrong end of the car? Meaning, it catches you of course. What if it doesn’t kill you but you lose a body part in the process? What if you lose a leg and everybody starts calling you Tripod? It can happen. Believe me, life will not be fun after that. I highly recommend listening to the humans. You’re spinning out of control. Chasing a dream. Setting yourself up for a major disappointment. Find other ways of getting your ya-ya's off, if that’s your thing. Hound your humans into taking you for walks. You want a real challenge? Learn to climb trees and catch squirrels. Sincerely, Yappy
So gentle readers, please post any problems you pets are having at home. Thanks. JimBob/Yappy
posted by JimBob at 2:20 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Yappy, I am one very sad mutt. I am always chained up in the back yard and I never get to play with my humans or go in their house. Instead, they have the house full of stinky cats. I'm lonely and I want so much to play. I get taken for a short walk every day and then I'm returned to my pen. IS that any kind of a life for me? I don't think so. Lonely and Locked Up
Dear Lonely and Locked Up, My heart goes out to you. I have a yard too but I run free in it and my She-human prefers to have me in the house because the weather is miserable outside and she loves me a lot! I do love to go outside but I know I can always go indoors anytime I want to. Not only that, she got me my very own dog so that I am never alone, even when she is away at work.
What to do, what to do...apparently showing affection to your humans is a no go...how about pretending you are dying...just lay around with your eyes crossed and your tongue hanging out. See if that helps. If that doesn't work, I'll send over a rescue squad, ok? Your friend, Yappy
I just received this message, it reads: "Dear Yappy, I am one very sad mutt. I am always chained up in the back yard and I never get to play with my humans or go in their house. Instead, they have the house full of stinky cats. I'm lonely and I want so much to play. I get taken for a short walk every day and then I'm returned to my pen. IS that any kind of a life for me? I don't think so. Lonely and Locked Up"
My response: "Dear Lonely and Locked Up, My heart goes out to you. I have a yard too but I run free in it and my She-human prefers to have me in the house because the weather is miserable outside and she loves me a lot! I do love to go outside but I know I can always go indoors anytime I want to. Not only that, she got me my very own dog so that I am never alone, even when she is away at work.
What to do, what to do...apparently showing affection to your humans is a no go...how about pretending you are dying...just lay around with your eyes crossed and your tongue hanging out. See if that helps. If that doesn't work, I'll send over a rescue squad, ok? Your friend, Yappy"
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